RETRO CHAUVINISM

I recently reviewed a menage and I guess that was my venting day about some authors that think that we are still living in the 1950s and mix up their heroes from this generation and call them Doms.

I will just extract some parts because most of it is definitely a general opinion and I think has its place under my BDSM category. This is why I will change the name of the title to XXX because what applies to this story applies in many others I read.

I understand that not everyone may  think the same as me. I understand that not everyone likes my sarcasms. But this blog is mine and everyone is free to ignore me 😉

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Mary

I am all about diversity but I am also all about credibility. When I read a story and it is plain obvious that the author does not care about BDSM protocoles or does not even try to smooth it to make it believable, my teeth cringe and I loose complete interest with the story. I disconnect with the heroes and I put the author in my avoid-author pile.

What bother me is the way authors portray their heroes: they get the Dom status and name even though they are far from being one. They are dominant but no way they are real Doms. Spanking, fucking an ass or putting a butt plug does not make them Doms. Worse: imposing their physical force and authority on a woman is not a Dom for me, it is a bully. It is borderline rape. I do not care if in the story the heroine seems to agree and fall in love with the guy. Have you heard about Stockholm syndrome? Because IMO, it is very very close to it!

Do I find this romantic? Do I want to read that in my romances? Heck no!

  1. a real D/s relationship is always consensual. Choice is always mutual, never one way.
  2. Safe words are mandatory and respected. If not, then it is rape. If a Dom impose his will without knowing what the sub is willing to accept, it is rape.
  3. If both parties are serious about a D/s relationship and it is more than a few husband and wife kinky sex episodes, there is always a contract signed by both parties of what is acceptable and what is not and what is potentially possible/accepted by the sub. As soon as pain is involved no matter the level, I would say it is mandatory.
  4. there is never a free spanking to make sure that the sub will remember. Either a spanking is punishment of something the sub did not do voluntary (she knew, understood and accepted the rules but decided to go against) or it is an enjoyable spanking leading to orgasm. There is NO spanking to make sure the sub will remember the rules.
  5. pain elements must be explained and tested and not imposed. A Dom never presumes the pain tolerance of his sub and a sub may have some hang out about certain practices (blood, wax, needles, bruises, chains, flogging, etc.) so it is always discussed prior the sex act. It does not matter the level of pain and if it is visible or not. pain is pain and nobody but the sub should accept to receive it.

I have no idea how heroes can be sexy when all the acts show disrespect, non consensual BDSM practices, free punishments, etc.

XXX is the perfect example of fantasy Doms that are created in some author’s mind in the sole purpose to please some inexperienced readers in BDSM and make them believe in prince Dom charming. But who would blame them? Most are the same women that were reading harlequin in their teens. Many were raised with the dream of being ravished by a pirate or an earl. The only difference is that now they want to read naughty-naughty sex scenes and a spanking or a butt plug is the ultimate naughtiness, right? … yeah right. I honestly wonder how those readers (and authors) would feel to be forced that way and if they would find it sexy.

I understand that romances are not reality and I get it that some truth or details are avoided to make the romance more romantic. Tons of readers do read romances to dream about the perfect men that are sadly lacking in their real life. I get it. Really, I get it. I am one of them after all. Err, I mean a reader eh? 😉

However, some things eat me alive and make me cringe so much. Those heroes for me are no heroes. They are cavemen that disrespect women. And since I try to relate to the heroine, it hurts me. It hurts my values that men and women are equal, if not physically, everything else applies. I do not find it sexy to read men forcing themselves on the heroine for her own good or because the act justifies the end or any stupid poor love excuses. Conjugal violence are always done in the name of love but we all know that it is done because the person is insane. Forcing an orgasm is not sexy, it is a release and does not justify all the premises before it.

(…)

For me, it is not because the heroine is a spitfire or has a rebellious/bratty attitude, that it is okay to have cavemen heroes. Yes I may relate more with the heroine but then I will completely disconnect with her because she will be a pussy to accept, tolerate, approve, whatever we call it, what is done to her against her will. Because it all ends to that: against her will. I do not care if she falls in love at the end because she realizes that they can give her the best orgasms everrrrrrrr. Falling in love for a man that disrespect her remains wrong. period. If an author portray her male heroes as dominant forcing their will all along, never respecting the heroine… how credible is it to believe that the heroine can fall for them at all? I do not expect to read Stockholm syndrome over and over again in each of my romances! That is plain ridiculous. To confuse love with orgasms providers is in my book way different…

(…)

I really wished a tag would be used to warn the readers. There is such confusion right now between true BDSM authors that respect the lifestyle principles and those that choose not to. It does not matter if the author lives or not the lifestyle, sometimes it is ignorance, sometimes it is a publisher’s edict and sometimes it is because their fans are starving for it and it pays well. In the end, I am among some readers that feel cheated and upset because their literature project such a negative image toward the women, and accepting this kind of domination is not tolerable in my eyes.

Well, that is my opinion and I stand behind it.

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