I want my money back on this menage story by Mary's Naughty Whispers

oh boy. oh boy. oh boy.

I really do not know where I should start. I read a lot. That is a fact. I do not review all the book I read. It is relatively rare that I stop reading in a middle of a story because I always hope that the story will evolve. If we talk statistics, I would say  I read around 5 novel books per week, sometimes more if I have more free time and 1 book out of 10 is poor quality. Most of the time I will not even mention it or review it. My purpose in this blog is not to be mean with authors. My purpose is to give an opinion and maybe think that some authors may take it under consideration and some readers trust me enough to give them an honest opinion on erotic menage books and help them to choose.

So here I was not sure. Because lets face it: I did not like this story… at all. And the “at all” is difficult to admit since I believe that in every book, there is something positive to say somehow.

I hate to give a bad rating. At first I thought I would give a 3 because I refuse to give a rate under this number but then after reading my review it would have been a joke. So I had a choice here: give a 3 stars knowing that it would have been a mockery for the author since I use sarcasm all along or give a zero rating and not give the name of the author nor the title.

I decided to keep this author in the shadows. All I can say is that it is a new release and this author published almost a dozen of erotic romance already so she is not a newbie. IMO considering the very short interval in between her releases, she should consider extra time for her edits and maybe the publisher should have given her a mentor to help her improve her writing. I dunno. All I know is that she published almost a dozen of stories in less than a couple of months and unfortunately if I read her reviews, they are not that good… But there is a line between to ridicule a story and associate publicly a name with it or not. I did not want to cross this line because I do not want to be mean and the only purpose of my review is to try to open some eyes on credibility. If you read this story, then you will get enough clues to know which author and which story I am talking about anyways.

I will call this book a disaster.

I felt as if the author picked a few words such: werewolves, menage, 3 guys, 1 virgin and she filled in the blank without a map.

I found so many cliches that each time I “turned” a page, I was almost crossing my whiteboard, yelling: yeahhh another one with my arm in the air doing the tchoo-tchoo train. The first cliche I have in mind is this one: the heroine has some auburn hair and we all know that auburn means red hair means hot temper means spitfire means hot in the sack. And since she is not a complete obvious red hair, she is is just waiting someone to open her closet so she can become a real dominatrix bitch outside the bedroom and a submissive in it. I mean, allooooooo everybody knows that!

Well this book played on my nerves all along.  I kept thinking that the author was using words and thoughts but they were completely without depth. It was boring to read that it was not even funny. I may take an appointment to a psy because the right move would have stop reading this book and move on but noooooooooooo.  I truly acknowledged my sado-maso side here. I did not skip a page and read it up to the end.. I still have my teeth hurting if you really want to know. ok. ok. exaggeration here. hey! I am entitled to it after this read!

Credibility: zero

The girl inherit thousands miles from where she lives. She jump on it because she will not have to pay a rent. ok so far. She moves and obviously has no problem to find the same library job because of course this small town was waiting for her right? Then a wolf shows up in a parking lot and of course we all know that a huge wolf can be mixed up with a dog. A second guy shows up next to the wolf/dog, smell her, lick her in the neck and all is normal for her. Nothing strange that a guy lick you in the neck right? I mean every day a guy is doing that to me, not you?

The guy shows up the following day at her work and is invited to the den. She does not know it is a den yet but she finds it perfectly normal to follow a complete stranger who lets not forget licked her in the neck and wet her panties in the process to his house. But this is not a date mind you: she is invited to a lunch with tons of strangers at the table and meet the ex-girlfriend who has no right to be upset. See, this ex-girlfriend was still fucked by the 3 heroes the previous day and became an ex when she was dumped in a middle of a bar, in public, kinda “thanks fort the fuck but now we have found the love of our life so get lost”. So this ex-girlfriend meet the heroine and of course it is such a bad taste to be upset because it was very clear from the beginning of the relationship, not a fling mind you a relationship, that she was a good fuck and that’s all. Upset her? jealous her? naaaaaaaa how can she be? How dare can she show her emotions? pffttt

Then, out of nowhere she has this terrible terrible headache that all of a sudden she black out completely. They put her to bed and ohhhh surprise! under her horrible conservative clothes she is wearing a G-string and half bra, she has the body of a goddess. Because everyone knows that when you meet a girl who is still a stranger, the right thing to do is to remove all her clothes but not her G-string and bra because we do not want her to think the worse happened when she was unconscious. It is sooooooooooo difficult to remove a G-string and a bra you know? I mean you must take some courses to do that. Plus everyone knows that when someone has a headache the right thing to do is to remove our clothes. Lying on top of a bed with a cover on top is totally not the right thing to do. The more skin, the better for the headache! I am so glad that I insist that my migraines remain at home, that would be totally embarrassing if they just show up at work and some people knew the trick and tried to undress me. eeeeeeeeeeeee I need to go to Victoria Secret right NOW! just in case you know, better play the safe card uh?

So it takes everything in their power not to rape her once she is unconscious. Lets face it. It is so sexy to know that a man can hardly hold his dick in his pants while his potential girlfriend is sick and asleep. yeah. right.

So now, she wakes up and she is all fine after a nap. But oh nooooo! the ex-girlfriend wants to hurt the heroine! She pushed her in the stairs and she breaks the arm of the heroine but you know what? the heroine saw the pain in the eyes of the ex-girlfriend at lunch time so she decides to forgive her for the attempt murder and give shit to the guys instead because they were assholes to break up that way (no kidding) with this girl.

This is the first 2 chapters. Lets continue.

Right after her accident, the 3 brothers tell her blankly that they are werewolves and if they bite her she will heal faster but then she will have to live with them permanently or if she is not bitten, she will heal slower but then she still has to stay in the den for the duration of her 6 weeks recovery. choices, choices. Let me think. I do not know shit of the guys, they shift in front of me but I have no problem about it, tell me that I am the mate of 3 guys when I never had sex with even one guy, tell me that I have a choice that I must make immediately because of course it is impossible to just think about it, they must bite her right now. mmm let me think again? nope. triple nope.

The heroine who is a virgin, was in the foster care system, never had a family or friend, who never receive a single cuddle in her life (remember the part where I mentioned the cliché and the tchoo-tchoo train?) is told that she is the mate of 3 werewolves, was almost killed by a jealous ex-girlfriend and that is that. There is still absolutely nothing strange so far right? right. It is all perfectly logical and credible.

Now after this tragic accident, of course the 3 brothers have the fear of their life: and what if their mate had been killed and they never fucked her before or would never fuck her? Not acceptable! So one of them put her on his shoulder like the werewolf caveman he is and the 2 others run after them in the bedroom. Then, our virgin heroine decides that she does not want to be a virgin anymore at 25 years old (no kidding) and fuck the shyness, she opens her legs and lets do it! She has so many orgasms that loosing her virginity was a piece of cake, she did not even feel nothing.

After so many orgasms and a nap out of the blue it is decided that she needs some clothes because she convinced her new mates that she can work the following day. So they all decide to go to her house and O rage! O despair! all her house and personal stuffs are wrecked. Nobody know why but there is a high suspicious that it is a rogue pack and she is kidnapped (where is this coming from?). So since she has no longer some clothes, they go to the shop and oooooooo nooooooo she is kidnapped right there. The 3 over protective brothers who do not allow her to move, breath alone did not see this coming. DAMN!

The rogue alpha who is a mad werewolf decided to kidnap and rape women. Of course, in the process it was very important that he left some clues behind him and destroy all the house because you know he had to make sure that he meant business here. Being cautious was not considered. I am surprised that he did not even leave his business card on the table to make sure that everybody knew who he was. And poor alphas guys who could smell on the hand of their mate the ex-girlfriend when she pushed their mate but then cannot smell anything in the house at all. This rogue was smart cookie: he must have used the last invisible deodorant so their incredible werewolf smell could not follow the tracks. How smart of this rogue no?

But our heroine is such an alpha female that with her little scissors kills him. Those scissors were left just for her in the bathroom because the rogue is not that smart after all or maybe he was thinking that she would need those to cut her nails or something. I mean we all know that a little pair of scissors are necessary items to be left behind when we kidnap someone right? She is so strong and so angry that she plants the scissors into his heart and he dies immediately. phewwww I was soooooo very scared for her for a moment that she would cut his balls. Oups… he had no balls. And I am not talking figuratively here! He was born with no balls and he was truly an Eunuch but could have a boner but could not make the women pregnant. No balls means no sperm so mmm I am sure this guy was a medical miracle. ooooooo I know! the author forgot to precise that he was using a popsicle stick attached to his penis with some kind of device with sperm pump!!! Although I will give the benefice of the doubt because I am not an eunuch specialist if you see what I mean.

Then, because there is a then, the rogue’s twin brother is accepted in the pack and guess what? You will never guess. The rogue’s brother, which is a good man, is the soul mate of the ex-girlfriend!!!!! no way!!!! yes way!! I swear! he shows up, the ex-girlfriend who after a couple of hours became the best girl friend evarrrrr of the heroine and was so upset that something bad happened to her (after she tried to kill her few hours earlier) run into the arms of the heroine and BAM the ex-girlfriend is mated to who? The rogue’s brother of course! geeeeezzzzzz stay focus guys! pffffft

WOW. I did not see this coming. For a moment I was almost scared that the ex-girlfriend would make a second murder attempt.

Now the epilogue. The cherry on the ice.

So now, the heroine showed everyone within a few hours (do you want me to spell it? few as F.E.W. hours as H.O.U.R.S.) that she is the queen bitch of the house but our 3 brothers were so scared that they need to fuck her to re-insure them.

Quote “I love you, too, darlin’. Let’s go to bed.” Unquote.

OMG I would love a guy to declare his love that way.

And what a fuck! 9 orgasms within an hour. wow. I mean really. wow. And our heroine who was a virgin a few hours ago but after a couple of fucks is now the sex expert because I am sure she spent tons and tons of hours on internet or rented some porn in order to became a pro of deep throwing dicks because everyone know that the first time is magical and easy… you only have to open your mouth and relax right?. Of course she is a tiny bit sleepy in between orgasms (no kidding) but hey that is a shore that she is willing to handle.

now.

Do you understand better why I did not like it ?

The purpose of this review is maybe to reach a couple of erotic authors, menage or not, and show them that writing an erotic menage book is a bit more than throwing some words together and give shit of the credibility. So lets use the old adage: if I succeed with one author, then I did my job.

I am sorry to say but I will completely utterly hesitate to read this author again and methinks that she will be extremely happy about it after this review because I am not so sure I will keep it anonymous if I decide to give another chance to this author…

All I can say is that I wished I could have my money back on this book. 😦

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